About compassion

I just finished translating a TED talk about compassion, which was very inspiring and I recommend it to everyone, Karen Armstrong: Let's revive the Golden Rule.
This made me think about the irony of the fact that living in Romania drained me out of compassion, even though, when I think consciously about it, I realize this is where I should actually act in a more compassionate way then anywhere else. Life here should inspire one to be so. Nevertheless, some Romanians have this amazing ability to bring out the worst in me. Don’t judge me, I know I am not Mother Teresa, I have a worst part and I don’t admit it lightly.
For example, one day I realized there are some taxes I should pay for some property, --something that you don’t deal with every day and it’s not just common knowledge -- so I go to the Circa Financiara to find out where and how I can pay and how much. Keep in mind, I was trying to give them money. Did you read Kafka? It was like that, but much worse. A big woman (should I say lady?), who seemed to be the self-proclaimed queen of the counter looked down on me, first, in a very disappointed way, and gave me something that she considered to be a sufficient answer. I speak Romanian pretty well I think, but I couldn’t make much sense of what she said, so, in my assertive style, I attempt asking additional questions. She probably got the feeling, --accurate of course,-- that I ignore the majesty of her position of power, so from there, our conversation went downhill. Her disappointed gaze transformed into a bitter one and eventually a mad one. And me, I knew I was right, and when I am right... as I was saying earlier, some people just bring out the worst in you. Now I have a new mantra: doesn’t matter if I am right, just be gentle. Be gentle! Deep breaths.
Eventually, I did not win. Sometimes I do, but not this time. Did I mention she was a big woman? Some people who were waiting in line were kind enough to give me the information I was looking for, so, eventually I solved my problem.
And this is not the only example I have. There have been plenty.
Hence now, because I cannot find in my heart the warmth to be compassionate all the time, I must think about it intellectually and decide consciously to be that way. And that works better. For now. Maybe by practice, I’ll get back on track and be a natural.

Here is the talk, enjoy